A Beautiful Post from A Friend

My sweet friend wrote a lovely post about today, the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  She is wonderful and has blessed my life throughout the twenty years (!) we have known one another.  Love you, E!

Mothers Day

 

I have been blessed with the most wonderful Mother.  Wish I was spending the day celebrating with her.  I miss her.  It is funny that Sweetheart is with her today and I am here alone with the kiddos.  Holidays seem to work out sort of wonky for us.  And that's just fine.  Too many expectations simply lead to disappointments and we have so much fun celebrating the ordinary days that it really works out fine.

I am excited though that I will see my Mom later this week as she is flying out to visit.  We've all missed her so much!  It'll be nice to just hang out and show her our new world.

My heart is heavy today, not for my being alone here with the kids though.  Because I see the blessing in just being able to be a Mother.  It's hard work, don't get me wrong, and I don't think I'd do too well as a single mom or a military mom at all.  But it's not that.

It's my heart aching for dear friends who have tried and lost and been unable for whatever reason, and for no known reason, to have the children they desire.  While I am blessed with all my crazy littles running around, and I do know the loss of one born to heaven, I've been able to have these dear ones. 

 But I want to laugh and take silly pictures of my dear friend's belly swollen-with-life, as I wish it was.  Not emptied for the third time of life at the same point of the pregnancy.  She is grieving, I know.  I think of my friend, blessed with one, and she is a blessing, but years have passed since then and there has just been more loss.  For other friends, losing loved little ones at all stages of pregnancy.  And I can't even imagine the suffering of those who little loves die so young.  

We have the hope of heaven, my dear friends and I.  Don't know how one survives without that.

So in the midst of flowers and brunches, and breakfasts in bed, enjoy the day.  Enjoy it all!  Enjoy it even if everyone has forgotten what day it is.  And say a prayer for all those Mothers whose arms are empty.

The Great Adventure

"For I know the plans I have for you,"
declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
~Jeremiah 29:11

My dear, sweet friend, Terri, gave me a mug last week with this verse printed on it. It's sitting next to me as I type. I am also planning to write it out on a card and hang it up on my kitchen sink window with the other verses I am trying to learn.

How I have forgotten this promise, I don't know. But in the midst of all the unknown and turmoil of the last year, there have been times I have. Just being honest. Walking this path, not knowing, sometimes from day to day, where we would be in the next weeks/months ahead, I have lost sight.

My, well, near-constant anxiety for Cupcake before she was born wasn't good. Yes, understandable, but not faithful. As I sit here looking at all the new and unknown I am about to walk into I am doing it with a lot less fear. I don't think I realized until last week just how truly anxious I had been for her sake. I even worried so much about how all the constant stress would affect her probably causing more stress. Yes, some of it was simply because I had several people around constantly harping on me about it.

Most of it was because of losing Jimmy. I felt that if something happened this time it would be my fault. Because I was "doing too much". Because I was stressed. Because I had three friends miscarry in the first three months I was pregnant and all of them second miscarriages in a row.

Sweetheart reminded me more than once that life was pretty great and easy by comparison when we lost Jimmy and that that was in no way my fault. He reminded me that I would never blame my sweet friend who had lost two wee ones wondering what she had done wrong. And that's true.

So now we have Cupcake. And she's pretty great. An easy baby and totally adorable and her smile lights up a room. Seriously. While all you see is pictures, she has a way in life of drawing everyone to her. Between her hair and her smile and her dimple she spreads joy and laughter wherever we go. Thank you, Lord!

Wow. This post has totally gone a different direction than I planned when I started typing. Time to shift gears....

The Closing happens today, or tomorrow. Everyone has already signed everything. The loan will be funded today and that's the last thing. We had planned to do all cash, but then we would be totally broke and without an income. Sometimes, I wonder if we should have done that on faith, but I must admit I am preferring to do it this way. Now we can at least buy some paint. :) And my chickens and goats.

So now starts the packing up in earnest. We still have most of our things packed and stored, but we've been hear six months now and are pretty settled in. Most of what is here we use constantly, so I am trying to figure out what to pack and what I'll still need until the last day.

Then comes the fun part of getting it all to Idaho. We're still working on all the details of that and do not even know what day we will leave here. A big part of that is simply weather. January is not a fun month to try to move. We got a lot of snow this weekend and there is more where we are headed.

In the mean time, we are playing, reading, laughing and tickling. Packed up my sewing things and schooling things and lotion and balm things. I am trying to just focus on packing and cooking and saying my good-byes. That's a tough one.

The next few weeks are going to be kinda crazy. I'll pop in as I am able. I'll leave you with a few
pictures from the new house. I LOVE this built-in hutch. The top picture shows it from the dining room side, this picture is from the kitchen side.
Look at this porch!!!! We didn't see a lot of homes in Idaho with porches. I think I got the house with the biggest one in the state-280 square feet. And they are leaving the wicker for me. And the dining room table. And a lot of junk we'll need to clean out. :) There are serious treasures buried in there, too.

Here's the view from the back last summer. The boys are excited about this. And I am excited about this. Space. Can't wait to see it all myself!

Always in Our Hearts

My baby has a star

and I have wonderful friends.



I went to Bunco last night, my first time away from the boys since this mess all started. I am so glad I went. At the end of the evening my friends presented me with a large package and a card. I wept. A lot. And that was before I even knew what it was.


They named a star for Little Jimmy. We know he is in Heaven amongst the stars--now he has one of his very own. They had tried to get everything done to present it to me on his due date last month, but were unable to. That's fine. The timing was perfect.


Only one of the ladies knew before last night what's been happening around here. I had her share with everyone, as I was crying too much to. They were wonderful. Afterwards they all gathered around me and prayed.


Nothing has changed as far a the situation with social services, but we're doing better. Pumpkin is running and playing as much as he can--with one arm--and two parents constantly cautioning. He's being such a super kid with it all.


Sweetheart goes into the orthopedic today for his broken hand and to talk to the doctor about what kind of tests can be done to see why he and Pumpkin break bones so easily. We'll see what the doctor says. It's the ortho that Pumpkin saw for his leg, not the one we saw last week for the arm.


This is all far from over, but we are trying to just live, pray, trust and not fear as much as possible. Your sweet comments, and prayers mean so much. My thanks to each one of you.

Always in Our Hearts

This is on our tree.

A gift from a wonderful friend in memory of Jimmy.

She had given it to me at his passing.

She brought flowers this week to comemorate his due date this weekend.

I am blessed with such a dear friend, aren't I?

He will be always in our hearts.

How I long to hold him in my arms.

Some day.

How I wish it was today.

"So, are you over it?"

Let's add this one to the list of things not to ask a woman after a miscarriage. This question came courtesy of my next door neighbor. I simply replied, "No." And, by the grace of God alone didn't mouth off.

She stuttered along for a moment. When she finished, I said, "I think there are just some things in life you don't ever get over. Life goes on though."

*Sigh.* It wasn't a toothache.

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So, I gave up on potty training. It was a long week without much accomplishment. I do not think Pumpkin has figured out physically when he needs to "go". We'll just revisit the whole thing in a few months. Winnie-the-Pooh did great though.

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Life's moving quietly along--except the boys, who are only quiet when sleeping. I had the most wonderful weekend, courtesy of Janna. I was so excited to be invited to her Fall Fest. It was such a delightful day of relaxing and visiting with the sweetest ladies and delicious food. I even got my haircut! (I've trimmed my hair for the last year and a half, so I was way past due for one.)

It was so wonderful. Really. I wish we could do it again this weekend. I'm looking forward to making her Chicken Curry Recipe for my Bunco group next month. Everything was so nice.

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I've been doing a little decorating for Autumn here. I bought a lovely garland of leaves and berries. I promptly cut it up and tucked bits all around the house with streamers of an exquisite ribbon. I don't do a lot of things as we already have so many treasures out, but I do like adding special touches here and there and changing out the tea set on the tea cart. It's just a bit of fun.

Speaking of treasures, this silver set was a gift from Sweetheart for our tenth anniversary this summer. The traditional gift is tin he said, but he thought I'd prefer silver. I do.

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Well, it's time to get back to prepping out all the meat and vegetables from grocery shopping today. And to figure out where all the water in the refrigerator came from...

Hope you have a wonderful day, wherever you are.