Tuesday, September 23, 2008

"So, are you over it?"

Let's add this one to the list of things not to ask a woman after a miscarriage. This question came courtesy of my next door neighbor. I simply replied, "No." And, by the grace of God alone didn't mouth off.

She stuttered along for a moment. When she finished, I said, "I think there are just some things in life you don't ever get over. Life goes on though."

*Sigh.* It wasn't a toothache.


So, I gave up on potty training. It was a long week without much accomplishment. I do not think Pumpkin has figured out physically when he needs to "go". We'll just revisit the whole thing in a few months. Winnie-the-Pooh did great though.


Life's moving quietly along--except the boys, who are only quiet when sleeping. I had the most wonderful weekend, courtesy of Janna. I was so excited to be invited to her Fall Fest. It was such a delightful day of relaxing and visiting with the sweetest ladies and delicious food. I even got my haircut! (I've trimmed my hair for the last year and a half, so I was way past due for one.)
It was so wonderful. Really. I wish we could do it again this weekend. I'm looking forward to making her Chicken Curry Recipe for my Bunco group next month. Everything was so nice.

I've been doing a little decorating for Autumn here. I bought a lovely garland of leaves and berries. I promptly cut it up and tucked bits all around the house with streamers of an exquisite ribbon. I don't do a lot of things as we already have so many treasures out, but I do like adding special touches here and there and changing out the tea set on the tea cart. It's just a bit of fun.

Speaking of treasures, this silver set was a gift from Sweetheart for our tenth anniversary this summer. The traditional gift is tin he said, but he thought I'd prefer silver. I do.


Well, it's time to get back to prepping out all the meat and vegetables from grocery shopping today. And to figure out where all the water in the refrigerator came from...

Hope you have a wonderful day, wherever you are.


Anonymous said...

No, you don't get over it.. but it is sometimes hard to converse about something you have not been through yourself. I have learned over time to judge people's intentions.. her intention was to ask how you were... were you feeling better, were you healing.. and that comes from the right place.. caring and empathy, even if she did not phrase it well. And hopefully she learned that maybe next time she knows someone who has miscarried, that she should phrase her concern with more care.

I have said things I thought were positive to friends with cancer, who did not like the way I said something because I had not looked at it from their point of view. I had not walked in their shoes. What I thought was comforting rubbed them the wrong way at that time. My intention was one thing, but my words did not carry that intention forward.

I also found that some days I was insulted no one was asking, as if it had never happened, or did not matter.... and others I was insulted because they were asking and reminding me too much. Healing and grieving is such a long journey. And a tough one.

Sorry the wound was opened up a little bit today...

Raquel said...

You never do get over it. Mine happened over 20 years ago. You just don't. I am sorry that someone was unwitting enough to hurt you today. Sounds like your decorations are beautiful. Much love, Raquel XO

Tiffany said...

I am so sorry that someone opened this hurt for you all over again, intentional or not. Bless your heart, I wish I could just give you a great big hug.

Susan said...

Dear one.

She didn't know any better. I'm sure, as stated above, that she really meant to ask how you are doing. I remember in April when our sweet friend's son died, and I gave my friend a big hug, cried tears with her and said, "are you doing alright?" What I really meant and meant to actually say, was..."are you doing alright with food, keeping up with the house, hauling the other children around, etc." I felt like such an idiot! Of course she was not alright! When I think of you, I remember your loss and lift you and your sweet family up in prayer.

I love Fall. Fall makes living through the allergies of Spring, the cold and wind of Winter and the heat and humidity of summer worth it!



Farmgirl said...

Dear Kimberly, Sorry about your neighbor, those things do take time and are actually never over, there will always be a gap, but God does bring healing. Sorry about the potty training...one of my daughters was impossible, I stopped and one day all by herself she just did it!! From that day on she was potty trained! Love your berries and ribbon!! Thanks for all your wonderful comments, take care and God Bless!

BaileyZimmerman said...

What a wonderful time of year!!
I always feel such a jolt of creativity in the Autumn!
It is such a time of renewal and intrigue.

It's chilly here today....brrrr...I Love it!!

I'm glad you were honest with the neighbor...I'm sure that may have made her think about what she had asked.


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