A Beautiful Post from A Friend

My sweet friend wrote a lovely post about today, the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  She is wonderful and has blessed my life throughout the twenty years (!) we have known one another.  Love you, E!

three years

still missing what might have been

The Great Adventure

"For I know the plans I have for you,"
declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
~Jeremiah 29:11

My dear, sweet friend, Terri, gave me a mug last week with this verse printed on it. It's sitting next to me as I type. I am also planning to write it out on a card and hang it up on my kitchen sink window with the other verses I am trying to learn.

How I have forgotten this promise, I don't know. But in the midst of all the unknown and turmoil of the last year, there have been times I have. Just being honest. Walking this path, not knowing, sometimes from day to day, where we would be in the next weeks/months ahead, I have lost sight.

My, well, near-constant anxiety for Cupcake before she was born wasn't good. Yes, understandable, but not faithful. As I sit here looking at all the new and unknown I am about to walk into I am doing it with a lot less fear. I don't think I realized until last week just how truly anxious I had been for her sake. I even worried so much about how all the constant stress would affect her probably causing more stress. Yes, some of it was simply because I had several people around constantly harping on me about it.

Most of it was because of losing Jimmy. I felt that if something happened this time it would be my fault. Because I was "doing too much". Because I was stressed. Because I had three friends miscarry in the first three months I was pregnant and all of them second miscarriages in a row.

Sweetheart reminded me more than once that life was pretty great and easy by comparison when we lost Jimmy and that that was in no way my fault. He reminded me that I would never blame my sweet friend who had lost two wee ones wondering what she had done wrong. And that's true.

So now we have Cupcake. And she's pretty great. An easy baby and totally adorable and her smile lights up a room. Seriously. While all you see is pictures, she has a way in life of drawing everyone to her. Between her hair and her smile and her dimple she spreads joy and laughter wherever we go. Thank you, Lord!

Wow. This post has totally gone a different direction than I planned when I started typing. Time to shift gears....

The Closing happens today, or tomorrow. Everyone has already signed everything. The loan will be funded today and that's the last thing. We had planned to do all cash, but then we would be totally broke and without an income. Sometimes, I wonder if we should have done that on faith, but I must admit I am preferring to do it this way. Now we can at least buy some paint. :) And my chickens and goats.

So now starts the packing up in earnest. We still have most of our things packed and stored, but we've been hear six months now and are pretty settled in. Most of what is here we use constantly, so I am trying to figure out what to pack and what I'll still need until the last day.

Then comes the fun part of getting it all to Idaho. We're still working on all the details of that and do not even know what day we will leave here. A big part of that is simply weather. January is not a fun month to try to move. We got a lot of snow this weekend and there is more where we are headed.

In the mean time, we are playing, reading, laughing and tickling. Packed up my sewing things and schooling things and lotion and balm things. I am trying to just focus on packing and cooking and saying my good-byes. That's a tough one.

The next few weeks are going to be kinda crazy. I'll pop in as I am able. I'll leave you with a few
pictures from the new house. I LOVE this built-in hutch. The top picture shows it from the dining room side, this picture is from the kitchen side.
Look at this porch!!!! We didn't see a lot of homes in Idaho with porches. I think I got the house with the biggest one in the state-280 square feet. And they are leaving the wicker for me. And the dining room table. And a lot of junk we'll need to clean out. :) There are serious treasures buried in there, too.

Here's the view from the back last summer. The boys are excited about this. And I am excited about this. Space. Can't wait to see it all myself!

Bittersweet Time

I have been working in the baby's room this week. Trying to discover what I have, what I need, and how to arrange it all in this new space. Smiles and tears flow as I finger all the little things. I have come across several things that were given to me while pregnant with Jimmy.

They've sat boxed up waiting. Now is the time and yet I find it hard to know what to do with some of them. So many hopes and dreams were lost then. I know, each child is a different child and each pregnancy and birth their own events, but it is still hard.

I found the laboring verses cards I made while pregnant with Dumpling yesterday. Guess it is time to be reading them again and renew my mind with His Word. Worry comes more naturally for me. Slow learner, I guess. The cards themselves are a bit worn on the edges, so I may rewrite them. Rewriting things helps me to remember them better anyway.

I am going tonight to gather up some things we need to have on hand for the birth and the first few weeks. Though both Pumpkin and Dumpling were late, I feel more at ease when I am prepared.

I was given a list of things from midwife to have on hand and know that I need things like diapers as well. Some things have simply worn out from use. Other things are packed and will be borrowed from friends. I sent out an email and have friends that have all I was looking for. Blessings indeed.

Hope you all are having a wonderful week. Thanks for stopping by.

My baby has a star

and I have wonderful friends.



I went to Bunco last night, my first time away from the boys since this mess all started. I am so glad I went. At the end of the evening my friends presented me with a large package and a card. I wept. A lot. And that was before I even knew what it was.


They named a star for Little Jimmy. We know he is in Heaven amongst the stars--now he has one of his very own. They had tried to get everything done to present it to me on his due date last month, but were unable to. That's fine. The timing was perfect.


Only one of the ladies knew before last night what's been happening around here. I had her share with everyone, as I was crying too much to. They were wonderful. Afterwards they all gathered around me and prayed.


Nothing has changed as far a the situation with social services, but we're doing better. Pumpkin is running and playing as much as he can--with one arm--and two parents constantly cautioning. He's being such a super kid with it all.


Sweetheart goes into the orthopedic today for his broken hand and to talk to the doctor about what kind of tests can be done to see why he and Pumpkin break bones so easily. We'll see what the doctor says. It's the ortho that Pumpkin saw for his leg, not the one we saw last week for the arm.


This is all far from over, but we are trying to just live, pray, trust and not fear as much as possible. Your sweet comments, and prayers mean so much. My thanks to each one of you.