Thursday, November 11, 2010

Changing Seasons



We played today outside in the snow. Catching flower-shaped snowflakes, the kind you see in the picture books of perfect crystals, yet melting in an instant, landing on gloves, sleeves, and golden leaves from the passing autumn. Throwing wads of snow, little hands not bothering with ball shaped spheres. I laugh and toss more, shaking snow-laden branches on little boy heads. Sweet girl is snuggled in warm inside with Daddy. Finally, a promise of hot chocolate leads us back inside.

Stomping boots, removing wet layers, thinking of how it much stuff I've piled on them to keep them warm. Rubbing rosy cheeks, wiping runny noses, gathering the trail of dripping things, I hear her cry out. Hot chocolate will wait as she needs to be nursed. The boys pile on Daddy with their snugglely blankets and tell him about their adventure outside while we sit next to them. Giggles and cuddles, warm hands and hearts.

Winter is my least favorite season. I would live in an eternal autumn if I could. But, as we are facing the new season I am trying to embrace it as best I can. On this first day of snow I made sure we were out to enjoy it when my first instinct is to instead brew a pot of tea, turn on some beautiful music, light candles and curl up with a book. I'd rather stay warm and cozy. I'd rather stay safe in my cocoon.

This change of seasons is not limited to the weather. We are standing on the brink of life right now. Looking back at what we have lived until now, and dreaming of all that might be. Wanting to embrace the future, to run into it with arms open wide and alternately wanting to just curl up and stay where it feels familiar, even safe. Wishing to take a leap of faith, but only if I could get a glimpse of what that new life would be like in six months, a year. That of course, wouldn't require faith, now would it?

I am not the same woman I was when I began writing in this little space. Those of you who have followed my journey have seen some of the changes. You've been there through the times of rejoicing as well as the times of tears and great mourning. You've sent laughs, and prayers and love. And I am a better person for it all, and for your friendships. I've learned from you and laughed with you as well as praying quiet prayers for you. I hope you have been blessed as well.

You read my words, my rants, my recipes. I've discovered so much about me through this process as well. I've learned that I don't want to live an ordinary life. I want to grow and learn and discover more and more. I have heard my own heart sing. I have learned to create new things, and grow more in my garden than just beauty. I have discovered that my soul is fed through the simple things. I am renewed by creating and learning and working hard. I have learned to slow down my life and do more than just rush through the days. I have learned to truly live.

I no longer want the same things I did even a few years ago. I want to take another step back. To live a life focused even deeper on what really matters: my Lord, my Love, my family. I want to grow in a community of people with whom I can share not just my life, but theirs as well. I want to teach my boys lessons, not just from books, but from the glory of His creation all around us. To see the beauty and uniqueness in a flower, a snowflake, a sunset, a star. I want us all to feel the awesomeness of His power in the world He has created. I dream of a life of open spaces, quiet places, the smell of the dirt, the warmth of the ground beneath my toes, of watching a seed sprout and grow, of a new life born. I want chickens and goats. Truly.

I stand here today, on the edge of a new season. Yes, winter is coming and with it many things I'd rather not face including a literal coldness and darkness. It is more than that though. I am faced with a new season of life. Will I embrace it, or run and hide because it is dark and unknown? I hope not. My heart wants to run to this new season and not hold anything back. To embrace the changes that will come, some desired, some truly scary in the dark moments of my day. But I don't want to fear. The faith that has brought me this far will certainly carry me through. And I have the love of the most wonderful man beside me holding my hand as we take a step of faith together. And of course, I have the love and laughter of my beautiful children who will be with us each step of the way. The road ahead of us is unknown. We cannot see around the next bend. But, what if we never step out? Think of all we would miss.

You see, Sweetheart's job ended last week. We had wondered if it would for some time and then thought it would just change to be more of what we wanted. Instead, it has simply ended. We must pick the pieces and move on, literally. We have many thoughts and dreams and hopes, but no real answers at the moment. Whatever we choose, we choose together and that is a great comfort. The greatest comfort is though, that we are not alone in whatever we chose. He is with us. And though we don't have the answers we want, and I wish I knew more I am confident that He loves us. No matter where we live or what we do for a living.

11 comments:

jAne said...

((((* gentle embrace *))))

such a lovely string of thoughts to read on a chilly friday morn. we've been where you are now and know the emotions and even spiritual challenge that enters in. know that our dear Lord is going before you, putting everything in place. you will be led with wisdom as you seek His perfect will in all things. rest to hear His heartbeat.

in Him,
jAne

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

I had coffee at a friend's house this morning and we were just talking about when life throws us a curve.

I will (as usual) be keeping you in prayer but you are in a good place. You don't have to quickly sell a house, you sensed ahead this time was coming.

He has a path for you and you are ready. Yes, hard times really change us but when we walk close to Christ, they change us to be more the person He wants us to become.

(((HUGS)))

Davene said...

Oh, Kimberly, I felt, as I was reading this, that you had read the journal of my heart and were expressing, better than I could, the things hidden within. I feel that longing for more.

And then I got to the last paragraph and thought,
"OK, I don't know exactly how Kimberly is feeling"
and
"oh, no, how unfortunate that his job ended"
and
"oh, maybe this is a good thing."

Praying for you that your leap into the unknown will be cushioned with much grace...and that the longing of your heart, like my own, will be satisfied--in Him!

Adrienne said...

I stopped by to catch up a bit and was so moved by your words. Yes, I have been here with you for a time now and I love the things I've learned and the changes I've seen. I pray God's deepest peace and your and your sweetheart and those precious children walk forward - into a new place, lead by God Himself. And held close in His Almighty arms!
~Adrienne~

Vicki in UT said...

Best wishes for you at this time of change. May your family find what God has in store for you.

Jodi said...

Ah ((Kimberly)) ~ JR and I have walked the path you are on. God provided income for us in some rather unusual and sometimes funny ways, but He was (and still is) always faithful to provide. I know you both have faith that He is with you in this journey, and that is the greater part of the battle. God can rain manna from Heaven; your physical needs are not a problem for Him to meet. Praying for you and your Sweetheart and your little darlings. May you feel the comfort of His sustaining arms about you.

Your intro story reminded me of when Brian was a little guy and he and I used to go out after the torrential, Floridian downpours to stomp in puddles. Now that I think of it, I believe my younger children and I are due for a romp in the park. :o)

Kimberly said...

My prayer for you is that God will reveal to you how big He really is! His thoughts towards you are precious and more in number than the sand, Psalm 139:18. I know how hard it is not being able to see what's ahead, but He can see what's ahead when no one else can, so just keep staying close to Him, and in the end He will be glorified in what He is going to do through you. Keep us posted as we keep you in our prayers.

tonia said...

(((you)))

I will pray for provision...and I know He will do more than you could ever dream. perhaps, as you said elsewhere, this is the prying open of a door for you that you wouldn't have gone through otherwise. I pray you have courage and grace to meet each choice ahead.

your heart always ministers to me. you are gracious and real and such a servant of the Lord.

I'll send an email along this weekend, k?

Bonnie said...

I can only echo the others and perhaps add what a blessing it was to sell the house when you did, especially if a new job requires a move. The house part is all said and done, you can now "pack up and go" where ever the Lord takes you (which, ahem, would be kind of nice if it was several states to the East, ahem ;0} ). It encourages me to see you following the Lords leading to sell last spring, without a clear reason as to why. If you can trust with something as life changing as that, I can surely trust with the smaller things I don't want to release my grip on.

As to your canning question ( I am so sorry its taken me over a week to answer) yes I have canned soup.
From what I can tell, you can can your own , as long as they are not thickened. Any thickening should be done when you open them. (has something to do with altering the preserving process.)
As far as how long, and at what pressure, follow the processing directions for a soup that is similar to your own. (Ball has several, and if you got a book with your pressure canner, there should be some in that as well. Otherwise, ask me and I'll look up in the books I have.)
Hope that helps some!
Bonnie

Anonymous said...

Now you know why you have been lead for so long to learn to simplify and can and make from scratch, and make your products etc. All of these are skills that everyone needs,.. but now that there is added stress in your life God has seen that you already know these thing and have looked ahead to the needs of your home. We also will be keeping your family in our prayers. We were without any income for over 11 months and made it through with God's help being able to pay all our bills and feeding the family as always. I wouldn't have thought it would work out so well but we learned so much and grew so much closer through it all. We also learned even more skills while going through it that we have used ever since. I pray God will bless you all. Sarah

Shan said...

Dearest Kimberly,

Just a little love sent your way along with prayers that He will see you through.

I just know that God will open doors for your family and all will be well.

Yours so kindredly,
Shan

P.S. E-mail me and let me know if you and your littles would like to come for a visit.

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