Autumn Memories

Three years ago I had the privilege of attending an Artists' Retreat which featured Margaret Becker both as a musician and as the main speaker. The Retreat was sponsored by a church in Colorado Springs, so I knew no one there.

It was an interesting time. I enjoyed the quiet drive from our home to Buena Vista, Colorado stopping whenver I wished to take pictures of the changing leaves, or just to meander off the main highway.

It had been years since I had traveled completely alone. Though I missed Sweetheart tremendously, this weekend had been a special gift from him to me. I had mentioned hearing about the Retreat in passing and he researched it and signed me up without my knowing.

It was a time of searching for me. I knew I wanted to leave teaching, but didn't know what I should do instead. The last few years of teaching had been steadily draining me. I loved the act of teaching and the excitement in a child's face as they learned something new, but I was bogged down in all the paperwork, planning, and endless meetings that fill a teacher's life.

I longed to express my creativity, and while I was often able to do that in the classroom, I needed more. I needed balance and an outlet for just me. So off to the Retreat I went.

It was a beautiful autumn weekend in Colorado. The air crisp, the light and leaves golden, and the sky an amazing morning glory blue. I was alone. I remember stopping for lunch at a funky coffeehouse where I sat eating a bowl of soup and grading papers. Sad, I know. I had taken a batch of papers to work on even though I'd taken the day off of school I was still working. I decided to sit there and finish them all before I arrived at the Retreat so that they wouldn't be hanging over my head all weekend.

When I arrived at where the Retreat was held, I was warmly wlecomed and shown to my room that I'd be sharing for the weekend with another female. As I walked around I met others who were there for the Retreat as well. I remember one of them asking what my medium was. It took a moment to figure out what she was talking about. She said hers was calligraphy. Having done calligraphy myself since the fifth grade, I mentioned that I had done it as well. I confessed to really not knowing what my medium was, but that I was there to possibly discover it. Sweetheart had signed me up for a ceramics session and a writing session, as he is convinced I should write more. I mentioned the writing and expressed my interest in hearing Margaret Becker sing and speak.

I felt so stupid and was tempted to hop back in the car and head home. Here I was surrounded by people who had various claims to art. All I had was a bunch of vague inclinations and a longing to discover how God wanted me to use my gifts. I am glad I stayed. There were moments of doubt throughout the weekend as I felt that I did not measure up to some of the others' talents. And yet, there was a freeing as I discovered that indeed, He had gifted me in many ways. I was not limited by one medium of expression, but felt free to embrace all my interests from writing, sculpture, photography and more.

I spent a lot of time listening; listening to the speakers, the other attendees, and listening to my heart. I felt it a time of healing and discovering, a time to embrace who He had created me to be; not to be proud, or boastful, but to rejoice in the fact that He had given me many gifts. I even allowed that He had made me an artist in the classroom, not in drawing necessarily, but in the drawing out of creativity of each child under my care, as I in turn developed my own creativity and decided it was important enough to make time for.

Margaret Becker was amazing. I've loved her music and her writing for years. I sat literally at her feet during one of the concert times and while she spoke in the sessions as well. I sat absorbing her words, the words He had given her. Spoken with her startling New York accent, I heard Him speak to my soul. As she simply played her guitar and sang, I soaked in the sounds of love and grace; mercy and peace. And I learned to spread my wings as well.



***

While various songs of Margaret's have pierced my heart over the years, there were two songs that weekend that were knew to me and what lead me back to that time whenever I hear them again. Here is one of the song's lyrics.

"Feel It All"

by Margaret Becker and Robbie Nevill

I think I heard your voice

floating on the evening wind

And felt you near again

in the touch of a friend

This is life as it should be

this is life complete

Cracking the surface of every breath

and finding you there

In the center of it

In the beauty of the morning

in the rhythm of the rain

In the symphony of laughter

as it plays across a face

In the colors of creation

painting sunsets in the fall

I want to feel it all

Been living so close to the skin

trying to feel everything

I've been digging down so deep

looking for eternal things

Oh I prayed a prayer to be wise

to see it all with your eyes

For ears to hear

and a heart to seek

and the gift to find

All the treasure you leave

In the beauty of the morning
in the rhythm of the rain
In the symphony of laughter
as it plays across a face
In the colors of creation
painitng sunsets in the fall
I want to feel it all

Oh and what is life

if not to see your spirit passing by

And what is love

if not to leave the imprint of you touch

I think I see it...

In the beauty of the morning
in the rhythm of the rain
In the symphony of laughter
as it plays across a face
In the colors of creation
painitng sunsets in the fall
I want to feel it all

In the fury of the ocean

on a stormy winter's day

In the choir of the angels as they dance upon the waves

In the colors of creation painting sunsets in the fall

I want to feel it all

And what is life

if not to see your spirit passing by

And what is love

if not to leave the imprint of your touch