One Yearish

It is hard to believe we have been here for about a year. What can I say? I haven't written mostly because this anniversary is a big deal in my life, but probably no one else's. I have written a lot about what is going on around here, but there is also a lot left unsaid.

I know that I often write about the positive things and not the negatives. This drives certain people who know me nuts. But still, this is a blog. It isn't a confessional. I fight myself daily on the need to focus on the good, not the bad. To focus and write about more of the challenges would make my day to day life even harder, I think.

I have been colder, sicker, lonelier and sadder this year for more than probably any other year I can remember. I have had more struggles and disappointments and challenges that I would have thought possible for something as simple as a move. But this has been no ordinary move.

I am tired of feeling stupid and that all that I know and am good at just don't really matter here. I am tired of being laughed at by people who have lived this life for so long that they don't remember any other way, or have simply never lived any other way. I am tired of the endless chores, the projects that are never finished, that nothing is easy here, that fixing one thing usually results in the need to fix ten other things.  I am tired of bugs, cow poop landing on me, not knowing what to do in all of these totally new circumstances.  I miss my family, my friends, my stores, and other conveniences.  I miss a lot of things.

But......

I have learned a lot.  Boy, have I ever!  Think about it all.  Really.

I also have just over five beautiful acres to wander and dream about.  I have apple trees, plum and pear trees, and a cherry tree that I hope to get to have cherries from this year.  I have plenty of room to plant anything I want.

I have chickens and a cow.  A cow, people.  Who would have believed it?  Poor cow.

I have a little pond, a quiet grove of trees to hide in, and a barn.  Empty pastures are all that separate us from National Forest land.  I have fresh air to breathe (though cold) and good, clean water to drink.

There is so much work to do to get to do all the things we want to do (!) but we have done a lot already.  I keep trying to remind myself that this is just a period of time and that it will get better and projects will get done.  I don't want to waste my writing time whining, especially since I am already too good at it.

This isn't a perfect life, or an easy life.  It is hard when people have told me they think it all sounds so perfect.  Hah. It is far from it.

I am not sure where the balance lies.  I have never wanted to present an image like I see on too many blogs of everything picture perfect.  Neither do I read those that simply complain all the time.

Yes, I go quiet usually when things are hardest simply because that's what I do.  I am a rather private person and take things very personally.  Very.  I know this about me.  It is simply a part of who I am.  I don't want to spew anger and negativity all over everyone's screens.  I don't want to write what I might later regret.  I don't want my kids to look back on this some day and wish I could change my words.

Also, my not writing coincides with the fact that when things are really hard, I simply don't have the time to write!  I have too much work to do to sit and blog.  I can't be sitting here in front of the screen when my family needs me.  Sometimes, I am simply having trouble with my computer as rural internet access can leave a lot to be desired.  These last several weeks service has been very spotty and is a real reason I haven't written much.

I don't know.  I don't have all the answers.  I am simply trying to live this life the best I can.

And I am still looking for friends here.  *sigh*  Let me know if you are interested in the position.  ;)

Linking up to Barn Hop #48.  Go visit and see what everyone else is up to!

afternoon break

tea for one. sometimes the chores just need to wait a bit.

Love this Gift!

I was given this tile as a gift from my Stepmom's Dog.  Though kinda Christmasy, it will remain up in the kitchen year round.  I love it!  Thanks, Maggie.

rooster

A New Year

It is hard to believe we have been here for almost a year.  Some days are so long and other seem to simply fly by. 

I have certainly learned a lot and experienced so many new things.  Too many lessons learned the hard way, for my tastes, but what can you do?  Guess it makes those lessons hard to forget.  I doubt I will ever really fit in here in the way of those born and raised, but that's okay.  (I am glad to have all my original teeth.  *ahem*) 

Most of the people have been kind to us, even if they laugh at us.  Glad we can supply such mirth for the neighbors.  Now, if we could not supplying their dogs with chickens, I will be happier.  Yes, another neighbor's dog came into our yard last week an injured another of our hens.  I finished her off and served her up for dinner the next night.  After the October Slaughterfest, it just is not such a big deal.  This is good.

We have so many projects we are in the middle of that my head fairly spins with all the things we need to do. It is hard to be in the house sometimes because they all seem to shout out to me and very few are things that I can actually be the one to take care of.  

And now we are looking at planning planting for the spring while still waiting for winter to arrive.  All the seed catalogs are filling the mailbox, but we have most of seeds we ordered last year since planting did not go according to our plans.  It is very cold here, but there simply is not any snow.  Not sure what that will be for irrigation this summer, but we do still have a lot of water available.

After seeing what is planted around the house through an entire growing season, I have big plans for what to do.  A lot of what is growing will be taken out and replaced with what I want.  Some of it has just been neglected for far too long and some of it just is not to my tastes.  The fruits and veggies will go in the fields east of the house and my flowers and herbs will be in the areas closer to the house on the south side.  The lilacs and other bushes and trees will all be seriously pruned back and some more just pulled completely.

I have been learning so much about herbs and all the wonderful things they can do besides just making our food taste yummy that I am looking forward to planting a bunch of new things that I can use.  It will be nice not to have to buy some of the things I use a lot like lavender and calendula and comfrey.  Hopefully, the weather will cooperate better this and the that the tractor will work because there is simply too much to manage by hand.

I will try to share some of these new things as I am able.  I have been blending my own herbal teas after buying some wonderful blends when I was in Portland.  It is so much fun!  Some of the herbs are ones I have grown and dried and some are ones I have bought. 

I gave someone here a jar of my favorite ones for her birthday.  She says it smells too good to drink and keeps the jar open by her chair to just sniff!  I must admit that it does smell amazing and it is awfully pretty.  It is a blend of mint from the grove, lemon balm, lavender, rose, chamomile, bachelor buttons and calendula.   I only hope I have enough to use until I get more growing!

I am hoping also to restart knitting lessons soon as I have completely forgotten what to do.  My sister knitted me the most beautiful scarf for Christmas, but I still have my first washcloth stuck on the needles.  Maybe I will be able to knit some gifts for next Christmas.  Maybe I will have the washcloth finished by then.

I am also hoping to get going on cheesemaking and soapmaking .  I have everything, but the time to get it all done.  I am not sure where the time goes as I rarely leave the house, but go it does.  We are doing more directed lessons three times a week again.  I think it will work well this way.  The other morning though, I just shooed the boys out back to play in the warmish sunshine.  They learn so much just being out there playing. 

Cupcake and I love to sit out on the back steps and just hang out with the chickens.  They love to come right up and will eat out of my hands.  It's all good-except the poop.  Keeping them in the backyard keeps them further from the neighbor dogs and I love to see them out my kitchen window.  They just leave dropping all over though.  Of course, versus Buttercup's droppings the chickens are nothing! 

I am amazed at how relaxing hanging out with the chickens can be.  They are such comical little creatures and oh so busy.  I have even gotten really good at talking like them and they answer me.  They should be old enough to be laying at any time.  I am looking forward to fresh eggs as I have been buying them since the big hens molted and stopped laying this fall. 

Hope you all having a wonderful day and thanks for stopping by!

Welcome New Year

I am still here and all is well.  I have both enjoyed my self-imposed break and missed being here as well.  My mind is full of all sorts of things to write and think about, but the days are filled with work and children and chores and children and cleaning and children and cooking and children and schooling.  And those are the important things and exactly what I should be doing.  I find that in spite on all my racing thoughts, now that I am sitting here, my mind is pretty blank!
If you have noticed me scarce in other places-FB, Pinterest, commenting on your blogs, etc.--please understand that I have had to simply take a step back and focus on those here.  In fact, I have discovered that Pinterest will only work long term for me if I use it for just pinning the things I am already reading.  So I dropped nearly all the boards I was following.  It is not anything personal.  I have also dropped to a small handful of blogs in my reader simply because I was spending too much time reading.
And so we've started a new year.  I wish I could make a million resolutions and keep them all perfectly.  But, I can't.  Instead, I am working on a few tweaks to life here and there, hoping for more "success" that way.  I don't know.  If anything seems to work long term, I am sure I'll share it later.
I just wanted to pop in for a moment, and say that I am still around.  Our internet hasn't been working properly for the last week, or so and I am not sure this will even publish.  But since the connection seemed to be working and everyone else is upstairs, I thought I would grab a few minutes here on Sweetheart's computer.  Sadly, I am too tired for any really interesting writing and I know that I should be cleaning the kitchen and putting away the last load of laundry so I will end this really pathetic post now.
If this is your first visit, I hope it won't be the last!  Come back soon and I will try to do better.  ;)  And be on my own computer where all the pictures are...